There are certain attitudes we should never dare to indulge. If we do, we will find they have distracted us from faith in God. Until we get back into a quiet mood before Him, our faith is of no value, and our confidence in the flesh and in human ingenuity is what rules our lives.

Beware of “the cares of this world . . .” ( Mark 4:19 ). They are the very things that produce the wrong attitudes in our soul. It is incredible what enormous power there is in simple things to distract our attention away from God. Refuse to be swamped by “the cares of this world.”

Another thing that distracts us is our passion for vindication. St. Augustine prayed, “O Lord, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself.” Such a need for constant vindication destroys our soul’s faith in God. Don’t say, “I must explain myself,” or, “I must get people to understand.” Our Lord never explained anything— He left the misunderstandings or misconceptions of others to correct themselves.

When we discern that other people are not growing spiritually and allow that discernment to turn to criticism, we block our fellowship with God. God never gives us discernment so that we may criticize, but that we may intercede.

I read this quote in a book and I thought about it while reading your thoughts; “The church is a whore, but she’s still my mother.” I am really struggling with this. I will pray for you as I figure out how to love the church as much as I love the people we as a church should be reaching out to.

Shalom Brother.

As others have said – you’re not alone. But that is little comfort when you’re in it. What it sounds like you’re describing is something that Christians throughout the ages have discovered as they are transformed into the likeness of Christ. Teresa of Avila and John of the Cross describe this way – and it is terribly, terribly hard. The consensus seems to be that this is a purification of what is not true, so that what is true and God’s can shine forth. The darkness, where God seems not to be, is precisely where you’re called to stay. God is there, even though it seems he is not.

In the tradition I come from I’d suggest you find a spiritual director who can help you walk this hard way – to which all Christians are called, but few have the guts to walk.

I’m here if I can help.

With love and prayers,

Colin

Reach out to those folk and ask them to be your partners spiritually, emotionally, and missionally.

I understand your pain, but in this season God became flesh. Emmanuel..you are not alone. Not only is Jesus with you, but the body of Christ.

Andrew, you have a prophetic voice, and many of the prophets in the Hebrew scriptures expressed incredible frustration–Elijah comes to mind, and Jeremiah as well (read his lesser known misery, which ends with “Great is your faithfulness, O Lord” a phrase we quote widely, by contrast). And the very end of Habakkuk who, after expressing all kinds of poverty, concludes with the conviction that God will give him deer’s feet to navigate the heights.

Those of us who did HIV/AIDS ministry twenty-odd years ago ran into some of the same not-here-not-now issues with the church–short on compassion, long on judgment. It still exists today to some extent–somehow it’s easier for the American church to demonstrate interest in HIV/AIDS Africa than it is in her own backyard. No satisfying explanation (at least to me). So in some ways, your frustration doesn’t surprise me.

But what you have encountered in the church today is just as wrong as it was in 1990, as it was in the 1200s when St. Francis kissed the leper. Thank you again for calling it out, over and over.

Hang in there!