So when the mail got dropped off at The Marin Foundation’s office today there were 3 huge boxes. The sender was Zondervan. I thought… Here it is! The DVD Curriculums are here! So give me some grace and view the excitement with me of opening the very first copies of our new Love Is an Orientation DVD and Participant Guide.

It officially releases on December 13th.

You can pre-order the DVD and Participant Guide combo pack here.

You can pre-order the DVD by itself here.

You can pre-order additional Participant Guides by themselves here.

I’m popping it in my DVD player right now… Can’t wait to watch it myself as I haven’t seen the final version yet. Awesome!

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org 

In 1864 while making an address at the Sanitary Faire in Baltimore, MD, Abraham Lincoln spoke of the meaning of liberty this way:

“We all declare for liberty; but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing. With some the word liberty may mean for each man to do as he pleases with himself, and the product of his labor; while with others, the same word many mean for some men to do as they please with other men, and the product of other men’s labor. Here are two, not only different, but incompatible things, called by the same name – liberty. And it follows that each of the things is, by the respective parties, called by two different and incompatible names – liberty and tyranny.”

This is fascinating to me because it is the same thing that I am saying today regarding the different definitions of the same words by different populations of people – each of which mean something completely different, used in a completely different way, and each group believing they have the correct definition.

The biggest challenge for our culture today is to know what it means to work with people who have a different baseline moral framework than yourself. We haven’t figured it out yet. And from what Abraham Lincoln said, it looks like this struggle has been going on for a really, really long time. I guess it’s going to take that much for time to hopefully shift cultural engagement in a more peaceful and productive manner.

As cheesy as it sounds… That change in cultural engagement must start right now with you.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

I am fighting back the strong, strong urge right now to write about an ongoing situation in my life that is a real big deal to me, my educational future and my work. When the time comes all of the details will be released. Or not. I don’t know. I want to, but I’m trying really darn hard to be “the bigger man” in this whole situation. But if the other entity keeps trying to play everyone stupid by retroactively continuing to label their actions in an unharmful, favorable way for them, I don’t know if I can keep my mouth shut any longer. For now, I will.

Your prayers for my heart are more than appreciated. I have so many very strong feelings of anger, betrayal, pain and an ever-growing hatred toward this entity that I need to catch myself now before I do something I will regret. As my wife is telling me, I need to move forward in a manner not based on revenge (which it would be if I wrote about all the details right now) but based on a level head focused on justice – with the appropriate steps, representation and documentation in place. So that is what I am going to try to do right now.

Below you will find some fitting lyrics that I listened to last night on my way to our Living in the Tension Gathering before these new developments dropped. Hope these lyrics impact you as much they did to me.

“I’m not afraid to take a stand. Everybody, come take my hand.

Yeah, it’s been a ride. But I guess we need to go to that place to get to this one.

We’ll walk this road together through the storm, whatever weather comes along. Let you know you’re not alone. Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road.

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay them. But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say them.

Cause there’s no way I’m going to let you stop me from [standing up].

When I say I’m going to do something I do it. I don’t [care].

What do you think? I’m doing this for me? … I’m going to be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly …

Ok. Quit playing with the scissors, and cut the crap.

You said you were King.

You lied through your teeth …

And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony.

No if ands or buts; don’t try to ask me why or how can I. ”

Eminem: Not Afraid

The other one is a song that touched me deeply when I was in middle/high school in the mid 90s and strangely enough speaks clearly to this current situation: Mr. Wendal by Arrested Development

“Here, have a dollar, in fact no brotherman here, have two. Two dollars means a snack for me, but it means a big deal to you.

Be strong, serve God only, know that if you do, beautiful Heaven awaits. That’s the poem I wrote for the first time when I saw a man with no clothes, no money, no plate.

Mr.Wendal, that’s his name, no one ever knew his name cause he’s a no-one. Never thought twice about spending on a ol’ bum, until I had the chance to really get to know one. Now that I know him, to give him money isn’t charity. He gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes.

And to think people spend all that money on big colleges, still most of y’all come out confused.

Mr.Wendal has freedom, a free that you and I think is dumb. Free to be without the worries of a quick to diss society for Mr.Wendal’s a bum. His only worries are sickness and an occasional harassment by the police and their chase. Uncivilized we call him, but I just saw him eat off the food we waste.

Civilization, are we really civilized, yes or no? Who are we to judge?

Mr.Wendal has tried to warn us about our ways but we don’t hear him talk.

Is it his fault when we’ve gone too far, and we got too far, cause on him we walk?

Mr.Wendal, a man, a human in flesh, but not by law. I feed you dignity to stand with pride, realize that all in all you stand tall.

Lord, Lord, Mr.Wendal”

Let all of those words speak for me right now.

Much love.

The Future of this Bridge Building Work

There was one quick sentence that the reporter Heather Sells said in the segment that was quite profound:

“It may take years to understand Marin’s impact on the Church and the LGBT community”

How true that statement actually is. In today’s on-demand culture there is an expectation of the immediate. People can immediately get news in real time on Twitter before it actually airs on TV. People can immediately voice their opinions on blogs in the exact moment of reading something. We can call, email, etc from anywhere at anytime. Hyper-connected, I think, is the official geeky term for our lives today.

The operation of the Church has fallen into these exact same negative cultural patterns. These days churches are working off of a success or failure model. But what is success? How do you define it? Numbers? Programs? People ‘saved’ by praying a prayer? No matter what someone believes is the correct definition, it’s all relative.

And none of it carries any weight in my book anyway.

Here are some thoughts on Success and Failure when it comes to Christianity and building bridges between the Church and the LGBT community:

Faithful commitment is Success

What if a LGBT person never agrees with a conservative interpretation of Scripture? What if they accept Jesus Christ and then pronounce they are a gay Christian? What if they say they hear God clearly tell them that living in a same-sex, committed and monogamous relationship is a blessed, God-ordained way of life? From a conservative perspective,

Have you not done your job?

Did you fail?

Are you not fulfilling even the most baseline of Christian standards?

The answer is that a faithful commitment to God is a success no matter what the outcome. Proverbs 16:3 says: “Commit tot he Lord whatever you do and your plans will succeed.” The more accurate translation of Proverbs 16:3 is, “Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plans will be established“.

Success in God’s eyes is completely different from our modern understanding of the term.

The fallout from this incorrect alignment leads to a creation of false expectations for ourselves in comparison to God’s biblical promises. There are two main Kingdom differences between establishing and succeeding:

Establishing is rooting your motives and actions in God’s unknown process.

Succeeding is beating the competition with perceived outcomes that the mainstream (whether secular or religious) deems worthy.

Establishing is the spiritual understanding that there is personal contentment in faithful commitment. This is not an excuse to be lazy but it is the Kingdom parallel to the flesh’s second version of succeeding -

Succeeding is having contentment in knowing the outcome.

Both the Church and the LGBT community set themselves up for this disconnect because we use a model of Success vs. Failure – a model created with the rise of an ‘advanced’ Western mindset of philosophy, evolution and business. Each of those cultural metrics have since led us further from Christ’s metric of success. Hence the reason LGBT activist groups and religous right activist groups won’t be caught dead longing to establish anything with the other – because they both are trying too hard to ’win’ the battle to see anything else.

The point of faith is not to beat up and conquer every other people group/belief system so we come out the ultimate winners. The point of faith is to establish Kingdom, here on earth as it is in Heaven, no matter what the outcome.

So do I know the outcome of what this bridge building work will look like in 40 years? Not that I know of. But 40 years down the road isn’t the point, and it’s not even in my remote focus. The point is to faithfully live out each day in relation to and relationship with those in my life, no matter what the outcome turns out to be four decades from now.

Faithful commitment is success. We will stop failing when we stop trying to succeed and start establishing Kingdom.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

I just posted the interview on a conservative Christian radio program in which, let’s just say, they didn’t appreciate my approach.

Since that interview yesterday I’ve gotten quite a few emails/Facebooks/etc from people asking me why I would keep doing this work and continue to get pounded on by both communities? Here are two quick answers written to me yesterday after the interview that remind me why:

This one from a straight Christian:

I just listened to the interview and I was so impressed with the strength and resolve you showed, not allowing yourself to get drawn into a pharisaical debate. It seemed that for the host and the callers, homosexuality is an “issue” and that for you, homosexuality is about people. When the host divided Christians by “their callings” (essentially saying that you may be called to love the LGBT community, but he is not) he missed the very heart of the matter and didn’t even realize it. Followers of Jesus are given different gifts, for sure—but everyone who follows Christ is called to radical love. Thanks for your costly witness to the Love of Christ today.

This one from a gay man:

I’m gay and I was sent the podcast to your interview on Moody Radio today. You couldn’t pay me $100,000,000 to listen to that gay-hating station. When my friend sent it to me he said I “HAD TO LISTEN”. So I did. I thought he wanted me to listen to it because they were just ripping on us, and our “evil agenda” more. But I never expected you, or what I heard you say! I want to let you know that you have inspired me more than any other person I have ever heard. For you to go on there, take their sh!t and be as gracious as you were, still loving me and my community all the while, I can’t say thank you enough. It would be so much easier for you to just give in and be like them. This world would be totally different if there were even 1 more of you around. If the church was made up of people like you and your group, I would even think of going. I also then went online to check you guys out and I saw all the flack you’re getting from my people. Fu@k them. They’re missing the point. They care about politics and you care about love and God. Sure, I want gay marriage legalized as much as the next gay partnered couple (I’ve been with my partner for 14 years now), but I would much rather have someone like you trying to convince those mother f*^kers on that program you were on to learn what it means to love and engage – because God knows they would never listen to me or any other LGBT person. And I don’t know any person who would sit there and still love them too! God bless you.

That’s why.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

Wow. Just wow. This is a video clip from a recent interview on the Daily Show where Scott Lively was interviewed. Lively has written a book that blames gay people for the holocaust, and he was one of the three men who originally went to Uganda to stir up a lot of anti-gay sentiment for the Kill the Gays Bill. Unfortunately there are some people around the world saying that Lively is the voice of American conservatives! I can’t believe it! According to Rev. Kapya Koama, who wrote for the progressive think tank, Political Research Associates, an article called Globalizing the Culture Wars: US Conservatives, African Churches and Homophobia, Lively is generalizable to how American conservatives use their hate and spread it around the world.

Now I had the honor to meet Rev. Koama last week while I was in Vienna, and he and I had a great sit down conversation about his article. I totally believe in Koama’s sincerity to see his country live and thrive autonomous of outside influences dictating their legal systems, but his lack of knowledge regarding actual US Conservatism showed. As he said in the Introduction to his paper:

“Although I am an African Christian, I did not know much about the ideologies of the Religious Right until Progressive Research Associates asked me to carry out this research.”

As I said to you personally Rev. Koama, your research doesn’t speak for American Christianity; let alone the “Religious Right” – who I know Lively doesn’t speak for!

Let me just make this as clear as Rev. Koama, the Political Research Associates and anyone else out there who can understand:

Lively doesn’t speak for me, nor does he speak for American conservatives. This is just another play to take an ‘extreme’ and make them seem like the ‘norm.’

Such tactics have been used by both ‘sides’ for as long as anyone can remember. It’s just sad; so sad that this continues today. Even worse that people are actually believing that this man, who blames gay people (more-so than Hitler!) for the holocaust, is representative of the whole. Ugh.

Thanks Daily Show for showing this man for who he is!

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

I have really been thinking a lot about the following, as I believe it is unfortunately ever so true today:

Culture no longer believes in progress, it believes in assimilation

When I say ‘progress’ I am defining it the same as American theologian and pastor Warren Wiersbe when referencing Paul’s words of ‘progress’ to his young disciple Timothy in 1 Timothy 4:15: “A pioneer advancing into new territory.”

Think what would happen if our culture today saw progress as a collective of unique individuals striving together to faithfully blaze humanitarian, scientific and social paths that have yet to be blazed – minus the politics, hierarchies and the innate human felt-need to rule.

But we can’t do that. Not in our culture. Not in our time. 

Our responsibility as an independent individual is no longer focused on our own actions in light of the whole, but rather focused on outside persuasion – assimilating everyone who is not like us to be exactly like us – whether scientific, political or theological.

We don’t even know what it means to define progress other than through the lense of who has the dominant mass; scientific (evolution vs. creation), political (who has the majority in the government) or theological (missionaries from any faith whose goal is conversion rather than faithful Kingdom establishment).

We’re not the freaking Borg.

We’re human. Complex. Independent yet eerily ever connected and inter-related.

A favorite saying of mine is: “Wisdom will be proven right by her actions.” If that is true today, having wisdom equals power through a mass of an exact, pre-determined right set of ideologies. To me, that is not wisdom. Wisdom, instead, must be proven by the life you live whether anyone ‘assimilates’ to your own way or not. How you react in the face of assimilative pressure shows more of your character and how much wisdom you have than any number of the masses giving in to you, your message or what mainstream culture (secular and religious) deems as the ‘only acceptable way to live.’

Are you trying to show how much wisdom you have by how many people assimilate to your side or how you progress through life despite others assimilation in either direction, around you?

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

Public Statement:

The work of The Marin Foundation is to build bridges between the LGBT community and a variety of faith communities through education, scientific research and diverse community gatherings. We are a movement shaped by bold individuals of reconciliation; whose orientation is one of love, who live in the tension of different social, theological and political ideologies, and refuse to allow hate, disagreements or past experiences cause division in any community.

Over the last ten years I have seen a growing difference between cultural reconciliation and actual reconciliation. Cultural reconciliation is when the conservative world or the LGBT community only sees reconciliation as ‘the other’ dropping their personal worldview and picking up a full set of ‘correct beliefs’ that brings everyone to only one side. To me that resembles more of a mob mentality than actual reconciliation—which seeks to connect and dignify two different groups of people on a human to human level whether in agreement or not. That is The Marin Foundation’s ultimate goal. We model this type of reconciliation everyday within our own organization on staff and in volunteers, which consist of straight and LGBT people, single and partnered, liberal and conservative.

Such an effort is a countercultural place to be, especially in light of the divisive culture war that continues to surround faith, politics and sexuality today. The Marin Foundation and I are making even more of an intentional effort to spend our energy, time and resources working with others from both the LGBT and conservative communities who yearn to see a true reconciliation happen on earth, as it already is in Heaven.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

In light of all the attention surrounding the talk I gave to a group of conservative youth pastors in the Fall of 2008, I want to answer some of the accusations. Despite my critics, from both the LGBT and conservative communities, accusations that I have things to hide (e.g. depending on what extreme you talk to I am either a person ‘pretending to be nice to LGBT people in order to make them straight’ or ‘I am a heretical emergent pastor who loves LGBT people’), I don’t have anything to hide. So I figured for the sake of those who do love our work and the sake of those who don’t, I will post my responses to the public accusations floating around:

To start off, I want to say that at that point in my ‘speaking life’ I was not anywhere close to being confident in the delivery of the bridge building message. Mostly, I was just scared out of my mind trying to figure out how to publicly speak to huge groups of people about such a divisive topic. I never had any intent to be the ‘evangelical’ go-to guy on this topic, I only cared about wanting to show love in a tangible way in my one neighborhood. When I listened to the recording from two years ago, I thought some of the same things as many of the critics out there; even cringing at times because I know what I was trying to communicate, but the delivery of it was anything but how I say it all today. Thanks to those who took the time to ask these questions:

Q1. You use the phrase ‘same-sex attraction’ and that is not liked within the LGBT community because it sounds like you don’t want to accept the word gay.

R1: I have never had any LGBT person say to me that they hate the term ‘same-sex attraction’. But now that I am hearing such a response I don’t want to offend anyone with that term (e.g. the same reason why I never use the word ‘homosexual’; instead using gay, gay and lesbian, or LGBT—as you can hear on the recording).

Q2. It sounds like you always make a distinction between being Christian and being LGBT as two separate entities of each other. There is such a group of people as gay Christians!

R2. To that particular audience of Southern, very evangelical youth pastors there is really no such thing in many of their minds as a gay Christian. For most of them to even hear those words put together is, as I’ve heard hundreds of times, “an oxymoron”. In general though, when I talk about Christians and the LGBT community (as I did in parts of my book as well - which is written for straight conservative evangelicals) I am referring to broader community generalizations within the culture war—not attempting to suggest that either of those groups are mutually exclusive (which many took it as…which if I could redo the talk and parts of my book, I would make much more clear today).

If conservative folks can’t get past the political culture war, how is culture going to change from its current divided and bitter state? I believe that it is on the conservative world to make that first step towards reconciliation instead of doing what they have traditionally done—wait for LGBT people to apologize first. LGBTs shouldn’t apologize first, they were not the ones to do the kicking out and disenfranchising. So I wanted to focus on that culture war aspect first. The ‘problem’ with such a focus on my part is that it does sometimes decentralize a focus on gay Christians, which is a legitimate group of people. Although there is a hugely growing gay Christian movement, from my experiences gay Christians still do not compromise a majority (51%) of the LGBT community as a whole. I have no proof of that statement, either…it’s just a perception of mine from being around the country so much. I could be wrong. Though I do believe that one day it will be the majority of the LGBT community, right now I don’t see that. Hence the reason why I usually separate the two when I speak about the divide, the culture war or traditionally held conservative or liberal paradigms. One other thing, when I say ‘whole of the LGBT community’ I am referring to the dominant entity under the umbrella. This doesn’t mean that I believe the opposite of gay Christian is drinking, partying, sleeping around, etc; because I don’t believe that. This just means the majority, in my opinion right now, would not identify themselves as gay Christians.

One other note, I do not believe that for every LGBT person, their identity equals sexual behavior (I could have made that distinction much more clear while talking; as well as made that much more clear in my book!). There is so much that makes up a complex human life. My ultimate goal, agenda if you so wish to label it, is to provide space for everyone to live the life they so desire to seek—with God, without God. Unashamedly, I do believe life with a belief in God is more complete, but that is what living in the tension is all about – what does it mean to have differences in ideologies and still be peaceful and productive in today’s culture… 

Q3. In the suicide note you read, it mentioned the options of celibacy or straight marriage with kids. Why isn’t the other choice (gay marriage) considered?

I think what everyone is forgetting is that I did not write that suicide note. That note was written by an out gay man who I had never met, didn’t know and who had just heard me on the radio with no where else to turn with his thoughts. So he sent his suicide note to me. I don’t know his life or his context other than what he wrote in that suicide note. Although he didn’t include all “options” of faith and sexuality in his letter, it is a powerful reminder to the conservative world that this is a life/death type of thing. To many in the conservative world, homosexuality needs to be humanized first before any bridge building can occur; because right now it’s a political battle. That is why I read that suicide note.

Funny to me, is that prominent LGBT activists read notes like that all of the time to get the same point across about the severity of this issue. But because it’s an LGBT person reading it people focus on the intent of the suicide rather than the minutia of how big of a field of faith and sexuality is included in such a note. I’m not upset about this…it’s just a fact. Also, I haven’t received too many suicide notes. In fact, when I spoke on the recording in question, as well as wrote my book later, that was the first and only one I had ever received to those points. So it’s not like I had a lot of suicide notes to choose from.

Q4. There is value in promoting celibacy until marriage (whether gay or straight), but it sounds like you were trying to keep LGBT youth in the closet because if they come out they will then have a ‘gay identity’ and you’re saying that is a bad thing.

R4. As for the chastity for LGBT teens until marriage/civil union/etc depending on the State if that is what they want to do—like straight teens—that is what I think is the prefered course from my Christian worldview. When I was describing the 13-15 year old window (bad, bad language on my part by the way—I have since stopped saying that as of last year), I was not telling those youth pastors to keep LGBT kids in the closet. As I said in the recording, it’s important for youth pastors to have such important discussions about faith and sexuality with their youth.

What I was trying to say was that when a 13-15 year old kid comes out, as research shows, (R.C. Savin-Williams & K.M. Cohen, “Homoerotic development during childhood and adolescence,” in M. Diamond & A. Yates (Eds.), Sex and Gender: Child and adolescent psychiatric clinics of North America (Philadelphia: Saunders, 2004), 529-550), they are then the singled out ‘gay kid’ for all time; even at the high school reunions 10+ years later. I don’t know many out gay kids that are treated really well in the rural South. It’s a big decision to come out. It’s more than just a huge step. It’s obviously life changing. My main point was to encourage those youth pastors to understand the harsh reality of what could potentially happen to these kids in their everyday/and church life (if there is a ‘church life’ after?) while going through this realization and coming out process. My statement to delay the coming out is to provide the needed space to realistically gauge the situation around them with as level of a head as possible. I have had many of my LGBT friends tell me they wish they would have waited to come out instead of just blurting it out and then being left alone on an island with no idea what to do from there.

When I said “it’s harder for kids to ‘come back’ after they are already out than it is to keep them in the fold”…I was referring to having a faith and living with a belief in God! I was not talking about behavior modification as many who have listened to it since assumed. Once again though, I could have definitely made that distinction more clear, especially in light of how it sounded when I listened to it for the first time two years later.

Q5. There doesn’t seem to be much intent from you for helping LGBT teens to be celibate to marriage, or even marry, as you sound like you’re encouraging those pastors to help the LGBT teens live in life long celibacy or becoming straight.

First, I will make this very clear: The Marin Foundation, its staff members and myself personally—our goal is not to have anyone who is LGBT become ‘straight.’ Never has been. Never will be. That is not our goal/agenda/secret agenda/whatever you want to call it. Everyone who knows us personally or has ever come to anything we have ever done backs that statement up. When speaking to a particular audience I, like any communicator, has to gauge where the audience is at and what they can handle in terms of the more liberal or conservative theologies that push against what that particular audience believes—otherwise you’ll just be quickly written off and the message won’t land – which is counterproductive to anyone trying to communicate a broader message, let alone one of a different medium of engagement.

I have been accused of ‘telling LGBT people what they want to hear and conservative people what they want to hear’. The answer to that is partially correct. I use the exact same Principles (e.g. Won’t answer yes/no, Principles of Bridge Building, etc) that communicates the exact same message no matter who the audience (and that includes the numerous non-Christian universities I have spoken at, which the audience consisted of liberal LGBT people and straight conservatives!), but the particulars of how/what I can push that audience on looks different.

But the main accusation coming from the recording is the ‘behavior modification’ – In light of the understanding (at least in my own head) that I was not talking about behavior modification (point 4 above), but rather about faith, that all made sense to me as I said it at the time.

Q6. It sounds like you might have some clandestine desire to see married LGBT couples with kids break up and eventually settle down with straight opposite sex people.

R6. I recently wrote the following to a gay person I know who emailed me with questions about some of the accusations:

I want to make this as clear as I possibly can: I have no intent, ever, public or private, to ever see you and your partner divorce/separate/break-up/not live a happy life. You are great parents to the great kids you have adopted, who without you, would not have the ability to live the life they are living. I couldn’t be more humbled to know you, your husband and your kids as the family that you are.

Q7. You describe, when one of your best friends came out, that he became freakish: “lost a bunch of weight…got the little ‘fauxhawk’…started acting effeminate, talking effeminate…the stereotypical flaming gay guy.”

R7. First, I never used the word freakish, or any other insulting adjective. Second, there was absolutely no judgment in what I said. I was describing the change in physical appearance. That was not a judgment statement, it was a fact of very noticeable features changing before coming out and after coming out. Another fact I should point out is that there is such a thing as a stereotypical flaming gay guy—of which, right or wrong, is well recognized by LGBT people, the mainstream world and the religious world. I also have a fauxhawk

I talk extensively in my book, Love is an Orientation, about the need to deconstruct those negatively imputed cultural stereotypes—about LGBT people and about conservatives. At that point in my life in the year 2000, as a bible-banging homophobe when he came out to me, what I communicated to that audience was the dead honest truth about what was running through my head when I saw him for the very first time after he got back from college after he came out. 

Q8. You said: “What if you’re asked if people can change their sexual orientation?” Your answer: Be evasive.

R8. That wasn’t my only answer. Here is what I meant by ‘evasive’: First, I used really, really bad language when I said the word evasive. As I said in my opening statement, I was not accustomed to speaking and had not found a comfortable way to communicate the following:

“Don’t answer yes/no questions because the people asking them (“whether friends or enemies” were the exact words I used) are just trying to pin you down into a ‘my team’ ‘their team’ scenario.” Bridges can’t be built from only one side! The problem with close-ended questions is that in a one word response three things happen: I know who you are, I know what you believe, and (this is the big one) I know how I should treat you based on that one word. None of that seems peaceful and productive to me surrounding the most divisive topic in our culture today. That is why I don’t answer yes/no questions, whether to friends I love and trust or to those who don’t like me so much. You can see more about what I believe it means to live in the tension of the cultural, political and theological polarization in my book.

Another thought: When I listed the groupings of people that consist of faith and sexuality in our culture today answering the question about “change”, they were exactly that—groupings. I said it then, I made it very clear in my book, and I’ll say it again here: Those groupings are not a ‘change or step program to go from gay to straight’! They are rather a categorical list of all the different shades of faith and sexuality in today’s culture. A categorical grouping is not a moral or social judgment statement; it’s just an informational list of how different people in our culture today self-identify regarding faith and sexuality.

Q9. You were asked a question from the audience: What do you do when you encounter a gay youth who thinks he or she could be Christian and also openly gay or lesbian? Answer: There’s “hope” for someone like that because it’s hard for youths to realize at 15 what life might be like at 35, when they can’t get married or have kids — implying gays shouldn’t/can’t get married or have children as adults — so give them the “big picture,” of what it might be like at 35, but whatever you do, DON’T mention sexuality!

First, in 2008 there was only 1 (one) State that gay marriage was legalized, Massachusetts. So unless every single LGBT person moved to Massachusetts, at that time the talk was recorded in the South, no, there would be no gay marriage with kids. I was again stating a fact. Today, that response is different. I honestly believe gay marriage will be nationally legalized sooner than later. Within that thought process, my message to the conservative world is: When it is legalized across the country, are you just going to continue to fight or are you going to learn what it means to live peacefully and productively within a society that has legalized gay marriage?

Also, when I said ‘don’t mention sexuality’, I was once again referring to the main issue of focusing on having an identity in Christ (I remind you that I was talking to a group of conservative pastors). Sexuality is such a huge topic with teenagers, whether straight or gay, that it is easy to get caught up in mainstream’s ideal (by mainstream I mean both secular and religious mainstreams) of what is sexually acceptable, in either direction, that youth can quickly fall into the extreme right or left categories. The extremes are what I feel are not productive and further perpetuate this culture war. Instead, living a spiritually fulfilled life (whether gay or straight), from my perspective, should be the goal of where to land on the cultural spectrum of faith and sexuality.

Q10: It is really narcissistic to name an organization after yourself!

If you know me, you know that I am a few things that don’t compute with others my age: 1) I am not technologically advanced – I know nothing of computers, design, Macs and the rest of it; and 2) I am not clever with slogans, marketing, etc. The reason I ended up naming my organization The Marin Foundation is because when I was trying to think of a cool, clever name, every name I thought of would I ask my LGBT and conservative straight friends what they thought of it, and every time they could think of a reason why LGBT or conservative people wouldn’t want to have anything to do with us just based on the name being either too Christianeze or too gay. The last thing I wanted was for someone to write us off just based on a name. So the most bland name I could think of that no one would have a clue what we did unless they actually knew what we did, was to call it The Marin Foundation. We are a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit. We are not a family foundation that was birthed out of a trust fund. Far from it (please see the link below about our financial records). Interestingly enough, it was a gay man in his 50′s that thought it would be a good idea to call my organization The Marin Foundation. Who knew that name would cause so many problems?

Q11. You lied when you said The Advocate article about you was retracted. What else are you lying about?

I was under the impression that The Advocate article was retracted. Please take my sincerest apology for publicly saying that it was retracted when it wasn’t. I want to thank The Advocate for going on the record and clearing that up. In regards to the article in question, I received two phone calls, one email and one letter from four different people quoted in that article who all stated they did not say any of what was quoted in the article by the author. To me, even today, that is enough to be satisfied whether the article was retracted or not.

I have never sought out one speaking engagement. I have never written one book proposal. I have never contacted any media outlet to cover us. All of these things have been brought to me. If I never get one more speaking engagement, write one more book or have one more media outlet cover us (whether positive or negative), I would still be content. I’m not here, and it was never my goal, to be a national leader or talking head. It is what it has become today. I’m just trying to continually learn how to live and love in real time; just now it’s in the public eye. It’s not easy. It doesn’t always work out how everyone would like it to. It’s quite uncomfortable. But it is what I’m committed to; in the public eye or not. I will never be above saying I’m sorry or admitting mistakes, as I have done numerous times on my blog and while teaching.

As I have always stated, I have nothing to hide about anything. That transparency also includes all of The Marin Foundation’s finances; of which are all public record through the IRS (as that seems to now be a hot topic that my organization is a cover to make me rich). If you don’t feel like chasing down the IRS, just let me know and I’ll post them all for everyone to see. If there is anything else, please let me know and I will freely communicate about it all. (Note to recently frequent commenter Eugene, I have not forgotten your questions, I will be getting to them, along with every single other question, as soon as I can).

Much love.

Andrew

PS – I have turned the comments off because this is a public statement in response to those accusing me of things. Thank you for understanding and letting my words stand by themselves.

I don’t want to clog any of what will be said with my words.

PLEASE READ THIS. (and the comment on the link by Jesse, who was also there)

If you have ever wondered about the work of The Marin Foundation, our Living in the Tension gatherings or what we’re all about – the above link will answer them all (maybe not to your satisfaction, but surely to mine).

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

So a day after I land from England I had to speak at the one-of-a-kind Q Conference, which was being held in Chicago this year (I took the picture above from my phone as I was about to go on stage). I was very humbled that Q’s founder, Gabe Lyons, asked me to share some thoughts in front of 600 of the most proufound influencers in our faith. I only had 3 minutes to speak, so I made the most of this short time by giving a very important message that I felt this particular audience needed to hear. Due to copyright issues I can’t post the video, but here is the text from my talk…

I opened by starring at the audience, silent, for a full 45 seconds to set the somber tone in which I was about to humbly procede in a slow, soft spoken voice. Then I said the following:

I stand silent to give dignity to a moment many Christians take for granted.

There are only a few sacred moments in one’s life—one of them is when you know in your heart that you’ve been set apart to dare to be remarkable by doing nothing other than believing in a just and powerful God.

The last great Roman satirical poet, Juvenal, commented about power by saying:

“But who is to guard the guards themselves?”

I am standing in a room with 600 gatekeepers to our faith. 600 influencers. 600 people that stand amongst and above the rest.

Maybe you don’t feel as such in your own mind.

But the Christian hierarchy proves different.

Jesus said that: “wisdom will be proven right by her actions.”

Well, our actions have only proven that ‘wisdom’ must be an elite group of predominantly white upper class individuals who care about their “Christian brands.”

I don’t care about your Christian brand, and neither does the Lord.

God says to Isaiah:

“These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me.

Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men.

Therefore once more I will astound these people with wonder upon wonder.

The wisdom of the wise will perish, the intelligence of the intelligent will vanish.”

You all are the best; you are all the brightest that our faith has. And yet where are your hearts with the gay community?

How have your tangible actions proven the Lord’s wisdom right?

Is the culture war it too political? Too divisive? Too scary? Too unknown to stop us from changing our medium of engagement with gays and lesbians.

In his famous speech apologizing to America after his sex scandal, Bill Clinton said:

“This has gone on too long, cost too much and hurt too many innocent people.”

Friends, I plead with you today that you stop being a gatekeeper and start acting like Jesus.

Much love.

Last year I went to speak in Mississippi and that was the first time I had ever been to that State. As soon as I stepped off the plane I realized that the Mississippi state flag still has the Confederate Flag in it (see picture above)! Seriously Mississippi, it’s 2010.

Anyway, I’m sure by now you have heard about the prom in Mississippi that was canceled because a lesbian wanted to go with another girl and wear a tux. I have a few thoughts:

You can see on the link above that GLAAD, among many other organizations offered to pay for a LGBT-inclusive prom. Though it is a great idea to keep the kids safe, of which I’m all for, I find myself conflicted because GLAAD and other LGBT equality organizations say they are fighting for equality. In my eyes, equality is defined as equal, therefore, integrated. I just don’t see how one can fight for equal integration while promoting separation? I know, I know…the safety of the kids. Yes, I get that! I especially get that in Mississippi!

But instead of trying to “fight” by sending mixed messages by separating, try to “fight” within the given structure—injunctions, etc. I am really proud of this lesbian girl because she refuses to let GLAAD or anyone else pay for a separate LGBT prom, because she wants to be integrated. Good for her—she’s showing much more maturity than the gay organizations that are supposedly fighting for her right to be equal.

What do you think?

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

Recently there have been multiple references to me by Christians about the ‘gay agenda.’ I want to make one thing very clear:

Everyone has an agenda. I don’t care who you are or what you’re about. You have an agenda – Christian, gay or whatever. And the broader community or population of people you affiliate yourself with (or are just similar to) have an agenda as well.

For years I have said that I don’t believe in a ‘gay agenda.’ It’s a mythical gathering of procedures, that, as the myth goes, is intended for gays and lesbians to take over the world. However, the more I’m around and involved the more I realize there is a gay agenda. Not to take over the world, but because everyone universally and innately has an agenda – person or communal. And it’s no more or less of an agenda than the Christian one.

Here’s a quick note I want to point out from a sociology standpoint:

We have to start realizing that the dominant, majority culture’s agenda is always the acceptable agenda, taken at face value. And it’s always the minority culture’s agenda that gets deemed evil, bad or threatening. Why? Because the minority culture’s agenda is at some level universally asking the majority culture to relinquish some of their power; or at least realize the privledge that comes with their dominant cultural status. Therefore the minority culture’s agenda always gets the negative label because it’s a threat to mainstream culture’s status quo. Status quo can also be renamed as ‘majority culture’s agenda.’

Fear is easier to react to than intentional constructive tension. I am not even talking directly about the Christian/GLBT culture war. This is applicable for any population or culture, in any situation.

I just ask that you please think of your own agenda (because you have one, no matter how well intentioned) the next time you’re about to exclude or speak bad about something or someone because you label it/them as having a negative agenda.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org