A few days ago the BBC World News featured the work of The Marin Foundation in written and audio form! Above is a screenshot I took of the BBC’s home page on their website… And that’s us as the feature story! It’s been crazy since it went live. We have gotten tons of folks reaching out from all over the world. This impact of our story is being felt! It’s such a humbling thing to have happen, and it’s definitely surreal to know that our bridge building message is getting spread across the globe through the most internationally trusted media company in existence. Just unreal.

You can read the full article here

You can listen to the 30 minutes segment the BBC ran on us here (and you have about 30 days to download it to keep it if you want)

Yesterday I got an email from the BBC and they gave me the following, crazy, update about our stories since they went live:

—Our radio segment (which has also been featured throughout America on NPR) is the most listened to segment of any from the BBC World Service

—Our radio segment is the most downloaded segment of any from the BBC World Service

—Our article is the 2nd most shared article of any story on any of the BBC websites

—Our article is the 3rd most read article on any of the BBC websites

I have to thank Christopher Landau so very much. He was the producer of the segment, as well as the writer of the article. Christopher was the one who fought for this story to be done! Even after some higher-ups said no to his initial proposal, he kept at it over almost 1 full year (!!!!) before they finally said yes. And now look what is happening! Brenda and I first met Christopher while I was speaking in London earlier this year. He had read my book when it first released in 2009 and as he said, “kept it in the back of my head to do a story on it for just this time.”

I’m not the most trusting person when it comes to media folks… They never seem to quite tell the truth in how they are going to present or edit something. But Christopher did exactly what he said he was going to do. A stand up man. A balanced journalist. And now a person ever so dear to not only my heart, but the millions his work has reached around the world.

Just absolutely amazing what the Lord is doing with this.

No matter the outcome, faithfulness always wins out.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

I hate some people. It doesn’t make it right, it just makes it real. I’m not trying to self-justify my hate towards some in this world. I just need to get it off my chest.

I know it’s strange…

Andrew, you’re the one who preaches about love and reconciliation. What’s the deal with hate? Christians aren’t supposed to hate anyone. Don’t you tell us that, as Christians, we’re supposed to dignify the humanity in all people and see them as the Lord sees us?

Yes, yes I am. But who I am to preach such things if I’m not going to be honest enough to admit my own battle of forgiving and learning to love those I genuinely hate:

Those that have genuinely hurt me. Those that have blatantly lied about me. Those that go out of their way to bring pain and desolation upon my life and work. Those that live a faith and preach a message that are geared towards power and privilege over faithful committment.

Small is the path and narrow is the gate that leads to righteousness. I believe that to be true.

I’m not going to sit here in judgement. That’s God’s job – for myself and others.

I believe Jesus’ words are true and there will be a number of self-proclaiming great Christians who will get a huge surprise on judgement day. There’s a difference between good and faithful. Good and countercultural. Good and following Jesus.

I’m living my own journey with hate, forgiveness and reconciliation. And I’m doing as best as I am able right now.

I’m not writing this so I can get people to tell me how to fix it. I’m writing this to publicly have enough guts to be willing to admit what is pent up deep inside of me.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

The other day I had dinner with a dear friend. I’ve known this man for years and he is oh-so-close to me in all ways of life. I honestly believe God put us together. I write about him in my book, in fact, I dedicated the book to him.

He has AIDS. In fact, he is one of the few living people that has the original strand of AIDS, from when it exploded in the 80s. He often recounts how all of his friends died long ago – and he doesn’t know one person, other than himself, who is still living with that original strand.

My friend, he’s dying. Quickly.

His CD4 count is now under 100. To give you understanding, a normal adult’s CD4 count is around 1,200.

He wanted to meet with me to let me know he is now one cold away from dying; and that he is putting his will and after death plans together because he probably doesn’t have much time left.

When I first met him he had no hope – ready to put a bullet in his head. Years later he’s at peace, knowing he’s loved by God, by me, and by a number of others connected through The Marin Foundation. It’s a strange juxtaposition to see someone on a journey for so many years, come to a place of peace, and then find out he has only a little time left.

He knows what is going to kill him.

No one should know that.

All I want is to be with him, and spend as much time as I can giving love to a man who has irrevocably left his mark on my life. The Lord has given him to me, to us, to this world; and one day soon the Lord will take him away. When that day comes, as is in his Jewish faith (an half of my heritage as well), there is happiness in death because we will finally be reunited with G-d, our loving Creator.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

I am a Christian, so I know love. I know love because I am loved.

Unconditionally.

I know what love is supposed to look and feel like. I know how I am supposed to love because Jesus invented the come-as-you-are-culture. Therefore if I am a believer in Jesus I must follow in his ways. The Way.

Love.

It’s an odd thing when you think about it: That I must act, feel, support and have my spirit intwined with another in such a way that it provokes a deafening reaction of realness, contentment and security that are sunken deep into the core of the others’ being. That’s what love is.

Tangible.

Measurable.

“Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.”

Love is real and truthful. Love causes tears of joy. It causes a pause that elicits a quivering deep breath of exhaustion and relief with the understanding that the root of the most pain is finally engulfed in the core of the most secure of places.

Jesus.

Love.

That’s our command. It’s our Kingdom Job Description. There are no two ways around it. The Bible tells us that it is the Holy Spirit’s job to convict; God’s job to judge and ours to love. Billy Graham said that in defense of his love for our President after being accused by a Christian magazine that he was capitulating to President Clinton’s agenda after the sex scandal. That sex scandal.

This is what it means to practice in the Way.

That Way.

The challenge of our time is not how correct we can be. How orthodox. How much of a defender of the faith to keep out all potential heretics, haters and hooligans. We must stop being driven by the fear of the future and focus on how to love well in the here and now.

Right now.

A close friend of mine recently said:

I continue to find myself caring less and less about what each respective person professes to believe, and more about how they profess those beliefs in word and deed.

Oh.

My friend…

He’s gay.

“We should love one another.”

I’m not asking you to give up on the evangelicalness of who you are and what you believe. Not theologically or socially or politically. I’m suggesting it’s time to commit ourselves to the radical love that is irrevocably tied to the One we claim as our Savior.

“For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”

Who is our brother?

Other believers? Those who go to church like us? Look like us? Think like us? Act like us?

If someone from ‘the other’ isn’t a part of what you’re doing you’re not building a bridge toward the Kingdom you’re building an army here on earth.

Anyone can build an army. Takes no faith. No guts. No love.

No Jesus.

On the reality show NY Ink about a New York City tattoo parlor, a man tatted from head to toe described his understanding of love:

You know someone’s commitment is real when they charge in when everyone else is running out.

Who and what are you committed to? Who and what are you charging towards?

Is it to the fidelity and work of Jesus’ love that created the best case scenario for living a faithful and righteous life,

or

Is it to feeling ok that you’re right with none of Jesus’ intimate love for the others whom you believe are wrong…

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org 

Love

Measurable expressions of unconditional behaviors.

It’s an overwhelming relentless story of the redemption of life, love and faith. The beautiful struggle of an intense journey of reconciliation can only leave everyone involved irrevocably changed. There is no other option. Truth is the only reality.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

This is my friend, Native American leader Richard Twiss, speaking about the abuse against Natives by the white power structure of our country. The first one minute and twenty four seconds of this video Richard throws it down (because he’s speaking at a conservative Christian college’s chapel service, it seems like he eased up a little on them the last minute of his talk. I’ve heard him bring it for hours before!). Over the last few years Richard has opened my eyes to the atrocious treatment in which the white dominated government of the United States, since day one, has bestowed upon Native Americans.

Did you know that Native American reservations aren’t even owned by Natives? We all think they own their land. They don’t. A person appointed by the President is their liaison to the land they live on, and before anything happens on a Native reservation, this man has to give them approval!

This was their country. We took if from them and now are continuing to oppress them. 

On this day I am thankful, among many, many other things, for one thing in particular:

That Jesus Christ came to this earth as a baby of no status or privilege, incarnating himself into a broken world and righteously loving all of humanity to Him, even though many didn’t, and don’t, want to believe. I am also thankful for Jesus brutally dying on the cross, that my sins are forgiven because I believe in an unchanging God who longs to flood this world and all humanity with redemption and reconciliation to God, and to each other.

With that said, on this thankful day of Thanksgiving, I am thankful for what Jesus did so I, as a white man a part of the dominant culture that has given me extraordinary privilege for doing nothing other than being birthed into a powerful socially constructed group of people, can sincerely apologize for:  

Metaphorically and physically raping and pillaging the Indians over centuries, the thing that created this holiday; and using the death of Christ for the cultural sins of slavery, colonization, the crusades, racism, sexism and anything else that holds others captive because they are not like the dominant culture of the day.

I’m sorry. And I’m thankful I believe in a God who is bigger than all of my people’s sins committed on behalf of God’s name.

Please watch the video of Richard. It’s powerful. Here is Richard’s website and here you can find him on YouTube.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

The other day I was reading around the blog of Paul Young, the author of The Shack. I really enjoyed The Shack, in fact last year I thought it was the best fiction book I read all year. I didn’t even know Paul Young had a blog until recently. I was excited to learn that he did have one because I enjoy his mind and writing style so much; so I started reading as much as I could.

And then I happened upon this interpretive story he wrote…

It blew my mind!

It’s a story about the inner-thoughts of the disciple Andrew after someone comes up to him to ask him some clarifying questions about the parable of the Good Samaritan, which this person just heard Jesus tell to a group of people.

Depending on how fast you read, it will take up to 7 minutes. Please, take the time to read this and not just skim it. It’s so, so worth it. Powerful stuff.

What are your thoughts on our own inherent judgements about how fiction, truth and reality can all be one in the same?

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

Thanks for all of your great insights yesterday on what you believe is the Gospel! I loved reading them, and I generally like to think that the people that read this blog are at least 82.6% smarter than people who read any other blog Maybe it’s just that the people who have thought about what the Gospel means are the only ones who commented, but man, preach those definitions my brothers and sisters!

In the broader Christian world the word Gospel is thrown around so easily and quickly without a clue what it actually means. “Gospel” is now a part of the Christianeze language that, when someone says it, is to be automatically assumed they are: 1) A great Christian; 2) Totally know what they’re talking about. I would tend to say that neither of those points are accurate.

In fact, I physically cringe when I hear people say the word Gospel. I cringe because I know when people say it, that’s all I’m going to get from most of them when it comes to that word … just a bunch of lip service. This is kind of what I feel like when I hear most people talking about the Gospel:

Let me try and make this as clear as I can:

“Gospel” is not a word, it’s a way of life.

It’s not an understanding. It’s not a theology. And it’s sure not something that should ever be said lightly. Yet it has turned into all of those things.

In fact, I think the word Gospel should never be said.

You heard me right. Never. It should be lived. No one out there (especially those who are not Christian) cares about an over-used, under-impacted word that Christians say as the password to get in the club. However, through the message of Jesus living through you and I, we will be the hands and feet of Jesus’ reconciling work to bring ourselves and others into a restored relationship with God, each other, and have the strength to live a daily faithfulness of what it means to establish Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven.

Jesus references the word translated to “gospel” seven times, five of them coming in the book of Mark. Five of those seven times Jesus says something to the effect of “preach the gospel.”  Narrowly looking at the phrase “preach the gospel” it would assume most Christians are right today in their spoken usage of the word. The problem comes in to play when looking at the whole of Jesus’ life and ministry. His overtly intentional incarnational ways (not just as the God-man but also in the way he went about ‘living in the neighborhoods’ doing good deeds) were the presupposition to his earning the right to speak about what people call ‘the Gospel’ today.  

There is no such thing as a Capital-G Gospel. 

I say this because the capital letter denotes a person or a name; a label. You could argue that Jesus (a person) is the Gospel (a label to Jesus’ work). But the problem I see with that is that Jesus the person commanded us to live as he lived – not just label as he lived. So many times throughout Jesus’ life the roadblocks people encountered with him were because they weren’t ready to live as he lived (the Rich Young Ruler, the Pharisees, etc).

The “Gospel” is based on a life lived, not a construction of how to get saved.

The Gospel is meant to be a verb that describes an action; not a label of the ideal of someone’s actions for us.

So please, I ask you to stop saying the world Gospel and instead just faithfully live your life. The “Gospel” will be felt with more impact through active unspoken mediums than any intellectualized ones.

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

This morning my good friend Adam McLane posted these profoundly truthful words on feeling like a hypocrite. When I read it I quickly remembered a series of conversations I’ve recently had. Before I get into those let me tell you this, even if some may disagree:

I am intentionally, and with a humble spirit, trying my best to live as faithful of a life to God and to others as I possibly can for as long as I am here on earth.

But just because that is my goal doesn’t mean it’s always (or even sometimes) a reality. Therefore because I cannot live up to my standard of life, by default, at a baseline level I am a walking hypocrite. Let’s be honest though; “by default” is only the starting point of my hypocrisies that daily occur. Back to the recent conversations…

In the past eight days I have had three different Christian people ask me in private at separate times if I ever feel like a hypocrite. They asked because they are all leaders in their churches and have recently been feeling like their good intentions to live a successful life is wearing on them. They have to lead each day and preach each week, and each said they felt some type of unknown burden or oppression about having to set some type of ”successful” life for their congregations to look-up to. These pastors are struggling with shame and guilt and doubt like the rest of us. But because of who they are they feel like they can’t keep it real all of the time – especially in front of their churches.

That is the problem with church culture today.

We’re setting up believers in Jesus to fail.

From my personal life, I talk in public so much that many people from all over the place call/email/Facebook/tweet/look up to me; asking me for advice and help and a new way forward. Like I have all the answers? I don’t. I try as best as I can to faithful keep moving forward whether sprinting forward or hanging on by the skin of my teeth. And the way I try to live my life and therefore, answer all of those questions, is to keep it real.

Because let’s be honest again … I’m a walking hypocrite.

I prayerfully wish I had the strength and courage to always practice what I preach. I don’t. I prayerfully wish I had some supernatural power to not get so pissed when I feel stabbed in the back. I don’t have that either. I prayerfully wish I always thought the “right” thoughts – pure and holy on a number of different topics. As much as I seem to try, it never quite works out. I prayerfully wish I had the drive to read the Bible and pray for hours on end everyday (let’s throw physical exercise in that category too). Not so much. I prayerfully wish I had to the ability to take-back a bunch of situations where I’ve deeply hurt people, whether intentionally or not. But that’s not going to happen. I prayerfully wish I could have a Jamba-Juice-style-brain-memory-boost to remember things better and more rightly, so that I would never be embarrassed or ashamed or nervous to speak about my memories. Well, nothing points to that happening either.

I carry a bunch of guilt and shame and doubt everyday of my life. And it scares me to death that I’m leading folks in the wrong direction. It’s been really hard for me to ‘get up’ to teach recently (not normal for me!) because all I want to do is honor God through my actions and my words while simultaneously honoring all of humanity in the same breath; which I know I’m trying to do, but in a God-fearing way not sure I actually ever accomplish.

But the more I think about it the more I am coming to a new conclusion I’ve never thought about before:

You will never feel like a hypocrite if you’re not intentionally, boldly and sustainably living a countercultural faith in real-time in the public. (and by “public” I’m not referring to media or blogs, I’m referring to your own life, family, friends, co-workers and community)

Here’s the kicker: That’s why it’s so easy for the critics and gatekeepers out there to point a finger at those of us who are. It’s because they legitimately don’t feel like a hypocrite because they’re not living a distinct life that puts them in situations where the real-time juxtaposition of life, faith, action and reason all come together in one big cluster-f&%*. And it’s in that moment that the humbly faithful feel like a hypocrite.

Yet it’s in that same moment that you know you’re living the right way. Even if you, or especially I, might not believe it.

Call me a hypocrite then. I’m going to now claim it anyway.

Are there times, and what are they, when you feel like a walking hypocrite?

Much love.

www.themarinfoundation.org

I am fighting back the strong, strong urge right now to write about an ongoing situation in my life that is a real big deal to me, my educational future and my work. When the time comes all of the details will be released. Or not. I don’t know. I want to, but I’m trying really darn hard to be “the bigger man” in this whole situation. But if the other entity keeps trying to play everyone stupid by retroactively continuing to label their actions in an unharmful, favorable way for them, I don’t know if I can keep my mouth shut any longer. For now, I will.

Your prayers for my heart are more than appreciated. I have so many very strong feelings of anger, betrayal, pain and an ever-growing hatred toward this entity that I need to catch myself now before I do something I will regret. As my wife is telling me, I need to move forward in a manner not based on revenge (which it would be if I wrote about all the details right now) but based on a level head focused on justice – with the appropriate steps, representation and documentation in place. So that is what I am going to try to do right now.

Below you will find some fitting lyrics that I listened to last night on my way to our Living in the Tension Gathering before these new developments dropped. Hope these lyrics impact you as much they did to me.

“I’m not afraid to take a stand. Everybody, come take my hand.

Yeah, it’s been a ride. But I guess we need to go to that place to get to this one.

We’ll walk this road together through the storm, whatever weather comes along. Let you know you’re not alone. Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road.

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay them. But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say them.

Cause there’s no way I’m going to let you stop me from [standing up].

When I say I’m going to do something I do it. I don’t [care].

What do you think? I’m doing this for me? … I’m going to be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly …

Ok. Quit playing with the scissors, and cut the crap.

You said you were King.

You lied through your teeth …

And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony.

No if ands or buts; don’t try to ask me why or how can I. ”

Eminem: Not Afraid

The other one is a song that touched me deeply when I was in middle/high school in the mid 90s and strangely enough speaks clearly to this current situation: Mr. Wendal by Arrested Development

“Here, have a dollar, in fact no brotherman here, have two. Two dollars means a snack for me, but it means a big deal to you.

Be strong, serve God only, know that if you do, beautiful Heaven awaits. That’s the poem I wrote for the first time when I saw a man with no clothes, no money, no plate.

Mr.Wendal, that’s his name, no one ever knew his name cause he’s a no-one. Never thought twice about spending on a ol’ bum, until I had the chance to really get to know one. Now that I know him, to give him money isn’t charity. He gives me some knowledge, I buy him some shoes.

And to think people spend all that money on big colleges, still most of y’all come out confused.

Mr.Wendal has freedom, a free that you and I think is dumb. Free to be without the worries of a quick to diss society for Mr.Wendal’s a bum. His only worries are sickness and an occasional harassment by the police and their chase. Uncivilized we call him, but I just saw him eat off the food we waste.

Civilization, are we really civilized, yes or no? Who are we to judge?

Mr.Wendal has tried to warn us about our ways but we don’t hear him talk.

Is it his fault when we’ve gone too far, and we got too far, cause on him we walk?

Mr.Wendal, a man, a human in flesh, but not by law. I feed you dignity to stand with pride, realize that all in all you stand tall.

Lord, Lord, Mr.Wendal”

Let all of those words speak for me right now.

Much love.

Today, September 13th, is the 2 year anniversary of when I wrote my first ever blog. Here is the first blog post I ever wrote. And for the record, because of that post we were able to give a $250 donation to their non-profit that clothed and fed parent-less Iraqi children because of the war.

Here we are 2 years later and the following are some fun statistics that have accumulated over the last 730 days since my first ever post:

I have posted 538 entries

There have been just over 4,000 comments

297,019 unique visitors have visited the blog

There have been 1,095,097 page views

Over 37,000 people on Facebook have ‘Liked’ at least one of my posts

There have been 2,002 Retweets of my posts on Twitter

There are currently over 11,000 links to my posts from other sites around the Internet

People from 57 countries have visited the blog

Through this blog, you all have generously donated just over $26,000 to the work of The Marin Foundation.

So humbling.

To celebrate the two years, I am going to give away 2 autographed copies of my book! One of them is going to my favorite gay skeptic who has decided to not invest any money into buying my book, Eugene. Eugene, I dearly appreciate you with all my heart because although you don’t agree with me in any way, shape or form, you have the guts to continue to personally comment on this site to talk to me, instead of just talk about me to other people. So if you could please email me your address (andrew@themarinfoundation.org) I would love to send you a signed copy of my book.

The other signed copy will be given via a drawing. All you have to do is comment on this post and on Friday I will do a random drawing from the names of those who have commented and will send you a signed book as well.

Thanks for continuing to read, engage and do this bridge building work in living what it means to establish Kingdom.

Much love!

Andrew

Public Statement:

The work of The Marin Foundation is to build bridges between the LGBT community and a variety of faith communities through education, scientific research and diverse community gatherings. We are a movement shaped by bold individuals of reconciliation; whose orientation is one of love, who live in the tension of different social, theological and political ideologies, and refuse to allow hate, disagreements or past experiences cause division in any community.

Over the last ten years I have seen a growing difference between cultural reconciliation and actual reconciliation. Cultural reconciliation is when the conservative world or the LGBT community only sees reconciliation as ‘the other’ dropping their personal worldview and picking up a full set of ‘correct beliefs’ that brings everyone to only one side. To me that resembles more of a mob mentality than actual reconciliation—which seeks to connect and dignify two different groups of people on a human to human level whether in agreement or not. That is The Marin Foundation’s ultimate goal. We model this type of reconciliation everyday within our own organization on staff and in volunteers, which consist of straight and LGBT people, single and partnered, liberal and conservative.

Such an effort is a countercultural place to be, especially in light of the divisive culture war that continues to surround faith, politics and sexuality today. The Marin Foundation and I are making even more of an intentional effort to spend our energy, time and resources working with others from both the LGBT and conservative communities who yearn to see a true reconciliation happen on earth, as it already is in Heaven.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

In light of all the attention surrounding the talk I gave to a group of conservative youth pastors in the Fall of 2008, I want to answer some of the accusations. Despite my critics, from both the LGBT and conservative communities, accusations that I have things to hide (e.g. depending on what extreme you talk to I am either a person ‘pretending to be nice to LGBT people in order to make them straight’ or ‘I am a heretical emergent pastor who loves LGBT people’), I don’t have anything to hide. So I figured for the sake of those who do love our work and the sake of those who don’t, I will post my responses to the public accusations floating around:

To start off, I want to say that at that point in my ‘speaking life’ I was not anywhere close to being confident in the delivery of the bridge building message. Mostly, I was just scared out of my mind trying to figure out how to publicly speak to huge groups of people about such a divisive topic. I never had any intent to be the ‘evangelical’ go-to guy on this topic, I only cared about wanting to show love in a tangible way in my one neighborhood. When I listened to the recording from two years ago, I thought some of the same things as many of the critics out there; even cringing at times because I know what I was trying to communicate, but the delivery of it was anything but how I say it all today. Thanks to those who took the time to ask these questions:

Q1. You use the phrase ‘same-sex attraction’ and that is not liked within the LGBT community because it sounds like you don’t want to accept the word gay.

R1: I have never had any LGBT person say to me that they hate the term ‘same-sex attraction’. But now that I am hearing such a response I don’t want to offend anyone with that term (e.g. the same reason why I never use the word ‘homosexual’; instead using gay, gay and lesbian, or LGBT—as you can hear on the recording).

Q2. It sounds like you always make a distinction between being Christian and being LGBT as two separate entities of each other. There is such a group of people as gay Christians!

R2. To that particular audience of Southern, very evangelical youth pastors there is really no such thing in many of their minds as a gay Christian. For most of them to even hear those words put together is, as I’ve heard hundreds of times, “an oxymoron”. In general though, when I talk about Christians and the LGBT community (as I did in parts of my book as well - which is written for straight conservative evangelicals) I am referring to broader community generalizations within the culture war—not attempting to suggest that either of those groups are mutually exclusive (which many took it as…which if I could redo the talk and parts of my book, I would make much more clear today).

If conservative folks can’t get past the political culture war, how is culture going to change from its current divided and bitter state? I believe that it is on the conservative world to make that first step towards reconciliation instead of doing what they have traditionally done—wait for LGBT people to apologize first. LGBTs shouldn’t apologize first, they were not the ones to do the kicking out and disenfranchising. So I wanted to focus on that culture war aspect first. The ‘problem’ with such a focus on my part is that it does sometimes decentralize a focus on gay Christians, which is a legitimate group of people. Although there is a hugely growing gay Christian movement, from my experiences gay Christians still do not compromise a majority (51%) of the LGBT community as a whole. I have no proof of that statement, either…it’s just a perception of mine from being around the country so much. I could be wrong. Though I do believe that one day it will be the majority of the LGBT community, right now I don’t see that. Hence the reason why I usually separate the two when I speak about the divide, the culture war or traditionally held conservative or liberal paradigms. One other thing, when I say ‘whole of the LGBT community’ I am referring to the dominant entity under the umbrella. This doesn’t mean that I believe the opposite of gay Christian is drinking, partying, sleeping around, etc; because I don’t believe that. This just means the majority, in my opinion right now, would not identify themselves as gay Christians.

One other note, I do not believe that for every LGBT person, their identity equals sexual behavior (I could have made that distinction much more clear while talking; as well as made that much more clear in my book!). There is so much that makes up a complex human life. My ultimate goal, agenda if you so wish to label it, is to provide space for everyone to live the life they so desire to seek—with God, without God. Unashamedly, I do believe life with a belief in God is more complete, but that is what living in the tension is all about – what does it mean to have differences in ideologies and still be peaceful and productive in today’s culture… 

Q3. In the suicide note you read, it mentioned the options of celibacy or straight marriage with kids. Why isn’t the other choice (gay marriage) considered?

I think what everyone is forgetting is that I did not write that suicide note. That note was written by an out gay man who I had never met, didn’t know and who had just heard me on the radio with no where else to turn with his thoughts. So he sent his suicide note to me. I don’t know his life or his context other than what he wrote in that suicide note. Although he didn’t include all “options” of faith and sexuality in his letter, it is a powerful reminder to the conservative world that this is a life/death type of thing. To many in the conservative world, homosexuality needs to be humanized first before any bridge building can occur; because right now it’s a political battle. That is why I read that suicide note.

Funny to me, is that prominent LGBT activists read notes like that all of the time to get the same point across about the severity of this issue. But because it’s an LGBT person reading it people focus on the intent of the suicide rather than the minutia of how big of a field of faith and sexuality is included in such a note. I’m not upset about this…it’s just a fact. Also, I haven’t received too many suicide notes. In fact, when I spoke on the recording in question, as well as wrote my book later, that was the first and only one I had ever received to those points. So it’s not like I had a lot of suicide notes to choose from.

Q4. There is value in promoting celibacy until marriage (whether gay or straight), but it sounds like you were trying to keep LGBT youth in the closet because if they come out they will then have a ‘gay identity’ and you’re saying that is a bad thing.

R4. As for the chastity for LGBT teens until marriage/civil union/etc depending on the State if that is what they want to do—like straight teens—that is what I think is the prefered course from my Christian worldview. When I was describing the 13-15 year old window (bad, bad language on my part by the way—I have since stopped saying that as of last year), I was not telling those youth pastors to keep LGBT kids in the closet. As I said in the recording, it’s important for youth pastors to have such important discussions about faith and sexuality with their youth.

What I was trying to say was that when a 13-15 year old kid comes out, as research shows, (R.C. Savin-Williams & K.M. Cohen, “Homoerotic development during childhood and adolescence,” in M. Diamond & A. Yates (Eds.), Sex and Gender: Child and adolescent psychiatric clinics of North America (Philadelphia: Saunders, 2004), 529-550), they are then the singled out ‘gay kid’ for all time; even at the high school reunions 10+ years later. I don’t know many out gay kids that are treated really well in the rural South. It’s a big decision to come out. It’s more than just a huge step. It’s obviously life changing. My main point was to encourage those youth pastors to understand the harsh reality of what could potentially happen to these kids in their everyday/and church life (if there is a ‘church life’ after?) while going through this realization and coming out process. My statement to delay the coming out is to provide the needed space to realistically gauge the situation around them with as level of a head as possible. I have had many of my LGBT friends tell me they wish they would have waited to come out instead of just blurting it out and then being left alone on an island with no idea what to do from there.

When I said “it’s harder for kids to ‘come back’ after they are already out than it is to keep them in the fold”…I was referring to having a faith and living with a belief in God! I was not talking about behavior modification as many who have listened to it since assumed. Once again though, I could have definitely made that distinction more clear, especially in light of how it sounded when I listened to it for the first time two years later.

Q5. There doesn’t seem to be much intent from you for helping LGBT teens to be celibate to marriage, or even marry, as you sound like you’re encouraging those pastors to help the LGBT teens live in life long celibacy or becoming straight.

First, I will make this very clear: The Marin Foundation, its staff members and myself personally—our goal is not to have anyone who is LGBT become ‘straight.’ Never has been. Never will be. That is not our goal/agenda/secret agenda/whatever you want to call it. Everyone who knows us personally or has ever come to anything we have ever done backs that statement up. When speaking to a particular audience I, like any communicator, has to gauge where the audience is at and what they can handle in terms of the more liberal or conservative theologies that push against what that particular audience believes—otherwise you’ll just be quickly written off and the message won’t land – which is counterproductive to anyone trying to communicate a broader message, let alone one of a different medium of engagement.

I have been accused of ‘telling LGBT people what they want to hear and conservative people what they want to hear’. The answer to that is partially correct. I use the exact same Principles (e.g. Won’t answer yes/no, Principles of Bridge Building, etc) that communicates the exact same message no matter who the audience (and that includes the numerous non-Christian universities I have spoken at, which the audience consisted of liberal LGBT people and straight conservatives!), but the particulars of how/what I can push that audience on looks different.

But the main accusation coming from the recording is the ‘behavior modification’ – In light of the understanding (at least in my own head) that I was not talking about behavior modification (point 4 above), but rather about faith, that all made sense to me as I said it at the time.

Q6. It sounds like you might have some clandestine desire to see married LGBT couples with kids break up and eventually settle down with straight opposite sex people.

R6. I recently wrote the following to a gay person I know who emailed me with questions about some of the accusations:

I want to make this as clear as I possibly can: I have no intent, ever, public or private, to ever see you and your partner divorce/separate/break-up/not live a happy life. You are great parents to the great kids you have adopted, who without you, would not have the ability to live the life they are living. I couldn’t be more humbled to know you, your husband and your kids as the family that you are.

Q7. You describe, when one of your best friends came out, that he became freakish: “lost a bunch of weight…got the little ‘fauxhawk’…started acting effeminate, talking effeminate…the stereotypical flaming gay guy.”

R7. First, I never used the word freakish, or any other insulting adjective. Second, there was absolutely no judgment in what I said. I was describing the change in physical appearance. That was not a judgment statement, it was a fact of very noticeable features changing before coming out and after coming out. Another fact I should point out is that there is such a thing as a stereotypical flaming gay guy—of which, right or wrong, is well recognized by LGBT people, the mainstream world and the religious world. I also have a fauxhawk

I talk extensively in my book, Love is an Orientation, about the need to deconstruct those negatively imputed cultural stereotypes—about LGBT people and about conservatives. At that point in my life in the year 2000, as a bible-banging homophobe when he came out to me, what I communicated to that audience was the dead honest truth about what was running through my head when I saw him for the very first time after he got back from college after he came out. 

Q8. You said: “What if you’re asked if people can change their sexual orientation?” Your answer: Be evasive.

R8. That wasn’t my only answer. Here is what I meant by ‘evasive’: First, I used really, really bad language when I said the word evasive. As I said in my opening statement, I was not accustomed to speaking and had not found a comfortable way to communicate the following:

“Don’t answer yes/no questions because the people asking them (“whether friends or enemies” were the exact words I used) are just trying to pin you down into a ‘my team’ ‘their team’ scenario.” Bridges can’t be built from only one side! The problem with close-ended questions is that in a one word response three things happen: I know who you are, I know what you believe, and (this is the big one) I know how I should treat you based on that one word. None of that seems peaceful and productive to me surrounding the most divisive topic in our culture today. That is why I don’t answer yes/no questions, whether to friends I love and trust or to those who don’t like me so much. You can see more about what I believe it means to live in the tension of the cultural, political and theological polarization in my book.

Another thought: When I listed the groupings of people that consist of faith and sexuality in our culture today answering the question about “change”, they were exactly that—groupings. I said it then, I made it very clear in my book, and I’ll say it again here: Those groupings are not a ‘change or step program to go from gay to straight’! They are rather a categorical list of all the different shades of faith and sexuality in today’s culture. A categorical grouping is not a moral or social judgment statement; it’s just an informational list of how different people in our culture today self-identify regarding faith and sexuality.

Q9. You were asked a question from the audience: What do you do when you encounter a gay youth who thinks he or she could be Christian and also openly gay or lesbian? Answer: There’s “hope” for someone like that because it’s hard for youths to realize at 15 what life might be like at 35, when they can’t get married or have kids — implying gays shouldn’t/can’t get married or have children as adults — so give them the “big picture,” of what it might be like at 35, but whatever you do, DON’T mention sexuality!

First, in 2008 there was only 1 (one) State that gay marriage was legalized, Massachusetts. So unless every single LGBT person moved to Massachusetts, at that time the talk was recorded in the South, no, there would be no gay marriage with kids. I was again stating a fact. Today, that response is different. I honestly believe gay marriage will be nationally legalized sooner than later. Within that thought process, my message to the conservative world is: When it is legalized across the country, are you just going to continue to fight or are you going to learn what it means to live peacefully and productively within a society that has legalized gay marriage?

Also, when I said ‘don’t mention sexuality’, I was once again referring to the main issue of focusing on having an identity in Christ (I remind you that I was talking to a group of conservative pastors). Sexuality is such a huge topic with teenagers, whether straight or gay, that it is easy to get caught up in mainstream’s ideal (by mainstream I mean both secular and religious mainstreams) of what is sexually acceptable, in either direction, that youth can quickly fall into the extreme right or left categories. The extremes are what I feel are not productive and further perpetuate this culture war. Instead, living a spiritually fulfilled life (whether gay or straight), from my perspective, should be the goal of where to land on the cultural spectrum of faith and sexuality.

Q10: It is really narcissistic to name an organization after yourself!

If you know me, you know that I am a few things that don’t compute with others my age: 1) I am not technologically advanced – I know nothing of computers, design, Macs and the rest of it; and 2) I am not clever with slogans, marketing, etc. The reason I ended up naming my organization The Marin Foundation is because when I was trying to think of a cool, clever name, every name I thought of would I ask my LGBT and conservative straight friends what they thought of it, and every time they could think of a reason why LGBT or conservative people wouldn’t want to have anything to do with us just based on the name being either too Christianeze or too gay. The last thing I wanted was for someone to write us off just based on a name. So the most bland name I could think of that no one would have a clue what we did unless they actually knew what we did, was to call it The Marin Foundation. We are a registered 501(c)(3) non-profit. We are not a family foundation that was birthed out of a trust fund. Far from it (please see the link below about our financial records). Interestingly enough, it was a gay man in his 50′s that thought it would be a good idea to call my organization The Marin Foundation. Who knew that name would cause so many problems?

Q11. You lied when you said The Advocate article about you was retracted. What else are you lying about?

I was under the impression that The Advocate article was retracted. Please take my sincerest apology for publicly saying that it was retracted when it wasn’t. I want to thank The Advocate for going on the record and clearing that up. In regards to the article in question, I received two phone calls, one email and one letter from four different people quoted in that article who all stated they did not say any of what was quoted in the article by the author. To me, even today, that is enough to be satisfied whether the article was retracted or not.

I have never sought out one speaking engagement. I have never written one book proposal. I have never contacted any media outlet to cover us. All of these things have been brought to me. If I never get one more speaking engagement, write one more book or have one more media outlet cover us (whether positive or negative), I would still be content. I’m not here, and it was never my goal, to be a national leader or talking head. It is what it has become today. I’m just trying to continually learn how to live and love in real time; just now it’s in the public eye. It’s not easy. It doesn’t always work out how everyone would like it to. It’s quite uncomfortable. But it is what I’m committed to; in the public eye or not. I will never be above saying I’m sorry or admitting mistakes, as I have done numerous times on my blog and while teaching.

As I have always stated, I have nothing to hide about anything. That transparency also includes all of The Marin Foundation’s finances; of which are all public record through the IRS (as that seems to now be a hot topic that my organization is a cover to make me rich). If you don’t feel like chasing down the IRS, just let me know and I’ll post them all for everyone to see. If there is anything else, please let me know and I will freely communicate about it all. (Note to recently frequent commenter Eugene, I have not forgotten your questions, I will be getting to them, along with every single other question, as soon as I can).

Much love.

Andrew

PS – I have turned the comments off because this is a public statement in response to those accusing me of things. Thank you for understanding and letting my words stand by themselves.